Slowly learning how to say no
When we were kids, my mum always told us that we could be anything we wanted to be when we grew up. I was encouraged to become a doctor, despite being the first person in my family to go into any health profession.
My partner, Matt, and I want to demonstrate this to our children, too. In our family, Matt is the children’s primary caregiver. For us, this was the only way to manage shift work and still have time together as a family, especially after we moved to a rural area when I obtained my fellowship. This year, I transitioned back to work after having Leo, our now one-year-old. I took a similar amount of time off as I did after I had our first child, Millie, who is now four years old. While I’m at work, the children are at home with dad, enabling them to form strong bonds with both parents. I hope they will ultimately feel confident that they are supported in whatever it is they want to do in their lives.
“It is becoming apparent that the kids need their own time with me, and we are working out how to navigate this as a family.”
Things that worked well the first time I returned to work, that we plan to do again, include having dedicated “mum time” for swimming lessons each week, and “mum cuddles” after a shift – which is a little different to manage with two kids, but very sweet when they hold hands with each other. It is becoming apparent that the kids need their own time with me, and we are working out how to navigate this as a family. At least this time I haven’t also had to fit in studying for the fellowship exams, after Leo crossed the stage with me at the 2022 ACEM graduation ceremony!
With more experience under my belt, I have been able to reframe some of the few minor wobbles I had when returning to work the first time around. Parenting is a very personal experience, and, while most people have good intentions when they give advice or make suggestions, this is not always how it feels on the other end. I was initially really disappointed in an interaction I had with a colleague that I had previously admired, and I was left feeling unsupported and misunderstood. With the help of some external supports, I was able to recognise that this person was projecting the guilt they felt at some of their own decisions onto me. It was a powerful moment for me, and is now something I try to remember before offering any advice to others.
“It can be difficult to balance both imposter syndrome and the fear of missing out.”
I’m slowly learning that I need to say ‘no’, which is not something I’ve ever been very good at. It can be difficult to balance both imposter syndrome and the fear of missing out. The great news is, seeing my adorable kids do cute things helps to remind me of why I don’t want to take on anything else – there are some things in life that I really don’t want to miss out on!
